I am what they call a 'sensitive' - I feel others emotions and the more time goes on, the more I can feel. I can be at a shopping plaza and walk past someone and feel their sadness - it takes all my effort to stop myself from running up to them and hugging them and asking them if I can help them with their problems.
I am also artistic - I have an artist temperament, much like a chef - I bang doors and slam saucepans, I yell, scream and shout. I am passionate. I am a worrier. I am me.
these past few weeks has been an emotional rollercoaster for me - and all I seem to be doing is explaining and apologizing - I don't want to have people thinking 'oh geez, what is she on about now?' I don't want to be that person who people whisper about when I walk past and avert their eyes incase I lose it. oh gawd, here comes that mad woman from Woodford.
I was in the shower this morning ( from whence all my good thoughts come!) and I thought I would put it down in words - for me - to get some kind of meaning to it.
In my wisdom, a few weeks ago I decided I didn't need HRT. I took myself off the pills BAD IDEA ! slowly I have become more and more unbalanced to the point where I called my Dr yesterday and asked her if she thought maybe I was either manic depressive or clinically depressed - I told her I had taken my self of the HRT & she said - stop being so hard on myself - that I had been through alot over the past few years and that I need to learn to relax (yeah right try to relax living with a 17 year old daughter whose life I am wrecking & that I 'just don't understand'). Needless to say I am back on the HRT but it will take time to kick in - beware & be afraid, be very afraid
also - my blogging angst - I can't help when I go through this - I have many, many lovely friends through blogging but if one goes missing then I am like Jesus with the sheep - going out to find that one who was lost.- Some don't want to visit and then I begin to wonder why? why don't they like me
~ this has happened over the past week & it hurt, yes it did. one person decided they didn't want to visit me - emails went back and forth -me trying to work out what I had done - of course I realize now I did nothing - it is their choice. I find it so hard though when i visit other blogs and see these people commenting - I get a little pang of hurt.
- but this morning I remembered the words of our Priest - Father Michael. There was a lady many years ago who I knew just didn't like me. I tried everything to get her to like me and in the end I asked father Michael why she didn't like me? what had I done?
he said ' Robyn - you are a person with a wonderful personality - some people are very reserved, you are zany and full of life and some people cannot take your honesty or your baring of your soul. It is nothing you have done and you must not change as you bring light to many others. Send this woman on with love and may her life be as happy as yours'
- of course many, many of you have advised me with the same thing - have I listened? no! but today - December 1 - I am going to turn a new leaf. I am giving thanks to each of you who DO accept me for who I am, who don't judge me and I am going to send those others on with love! it may not be easy and I may stumble but I will get up, brush myself off and journey on.
oh and yes - I am off to buy THE book - Four Agreements - yes, I am Sheila!! I cannot do this by myself any longer.
Labels: daily living, my 'spiritual' life
24 Comments:
So glad to see you are back. I have missed you. I came by every time I checked blogs hoping you would change your mind and be back. Just be yourself and don't worry about who comes and goes. Yeah I know I need to learn to take my own advice. HA (HUGS) going to you.
Hugs Robyn xox...we just can't please everyone and make everyone like us so it's something we just have to accept. I know it hurts but there's not much you can do about it. I'm glad you're back on your medication too...right now is just not the time to get off of it. I'm on anti depressants because of anxiety/agoraphobia and although I feel tons better, I don't have any intention of getting off them any time soon! Just know that we love you for who you are...it's the others' loss if they stop visiting. By the way, I LOVE how you decorated your blog for Christmas:-) Love ya xoxo
The only thing we can do for ourselves is to be true to who and what we are. The hard lessons learned along this life journey are the ones that will ultimately make us stronger. I don't think any of us likes the knowledge that some may not care for us...but in the end we need to rejoice in those who do and wish the others well as you wave. By dwelling on the "what??" we completely lose all sight of the joyousness right in front of our noses. Bask in THAT light and soon you'll need shades it will be so bright!
I hope the HRT works for you....that and the simple art of "letting go".
Love and light,
Lisa
Yes it hurts when people just disappear off from commenting on your site, and we all probably wonder why, but seriously we shouldn't jump to the conclusion that is us that are at fault. As long as we are true to ourselves, people will either have to like us and enjoy commenting or decide we are not for them and disappear, but other people will come along and fill the gap.
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I have tried so hard to visit your blog lately. I have missed you. I can so relate to your feelings! Its the artist in you,,I go through the same tough journeys.
Just take one day at a time,,thats all you can do!!
Hugs to you,,and stop by for a visit. Your in my thoughts!
xoxoxoxoxo
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Sheila said...
Hi Robyn..be true to yourself.
Not everyone will like us, that's a fact of life.
Read the Four Agreements, it helps you see things from a different perspective. Briefly they are
1.Be impeccable with your word..[I think you already are.]
2.Don't take anything personally
3.Don't make assumptions
4.Always do your best...
these four simple things explained by Don Miguel Ruiz can make a huge difference..
Luv ya...xoxox
I just deleted the first version of this because I can't spell...LOL
12:00 PM
Hi Miss Robyn! Your post made me think...about my self, I mean. sometimes I feel very overwhelmed 'cause I Want to answer each and every one's comments on my blog...but there are times when I am so tired,,,, and then days go by...and I say..Darn, I should have dropped a note by so and so's blog! FOR ME,it takes a whole lot of time to write and I am not a big writer! I do TALK quite a lot ! ha ha! I go to all the GPS blogs every day, but sometimes don't leave a comment or only a very short one, but inside I want to say a lot! I laugh..I cry...I enjoy... as I read them! When I see all the wonderful, very expressive things others have written in the comments/or blog ..I feel that anything I add is inadequate! This is a bit of true confessions.. hee hee
I just realized this may be the longest comment I have ever written...isn't that funny!!! hmmmmm.....
Good Lord..it is me again..I wanted to say that The Four Agreements is awesome! ...one of them is.."Don't Take Things Personally".........Okay that is it...I am done!!!!!
The Four Agreements is one of my favorite books. I think you will enjoy it. And everyone is right.... you are much too hard on yourself. Treat yourself as you would treat others. Be kind to yourself. People will come and go and that's just part of life.
Remember you are the one who put a smile on my face today with your lovely gift.
I am so happy that you are just moving on and loving the ones who love you. You know I do!! I love your new look, dawling. Hugs on this wonderful Dec. 1 day! xoxo
Robyn I am glad you are back. I didnt know you are a sensitive. I think that is an amazing gift. Perhaps you just need to learn how to channel it to your own good. Love YOURSELF and the rest will follow. xoxoxoxoxo
Ah yes, being true to yourself can be a challenge, as is letting go of others or moving on...
You are a beautiful caring soul, one I have been privilged to call my friend.
Angel Blessings and love...
P.S. I love your new background and header!
A lot of people are like me. Reading blogs every day, enjoying them but rarely commenting.
I LOVE reading your blog and missed it so much while you were gone!
HRT is my saviour too. I went off it once and never again!
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Hi Robyn. I'm so glad you have "worked" things out. Life can be so confusing sometimes, especially when we think it should be simpler as we get older. Well....NOT, as we all learn. I like December 1st. You are entering a time of rebirth. Oh by the way, we all ruin the lives of our 17 year olds. Fortunately, they resurrect very nicely and then thank us later. LOL
The Four Agreements, then follow it up with The Voice of Knowledge. You won't regret it.
From a fellow Wednesday girl~much love and hugs to you and please...Don't change!
xo
your right the way you are...
You're back, that's good and all that matters. :-) This makes me happy, at least!
I read the Four Agreements, and now I'm reading The Voice of Knowledge (also by the same author). He says some piercing things, like: "Our suffering is true, but the reason why we suffer may not be true at all." Makes you think!!
xox
First of all...ROCK ON ROBYN!!!! This post is like a gift...I have only known you about 6 months but your honesty and pure spirit has really touched me. I grapple with the same things you do sistah...and have lamented over the "loss" of a couple of friends that past 2 months and wondered why....I am going to do what you said and send them on with love and light and let go...and then just keep on rockin to my own band! You are a doll and a deep and wise soul. Be true to yourself always...loveya. xxxooo ps I HAVE to get this book now The Four Agreements.
Hi Robyn - I can see your blog again! Hurray! I would periodically check to see if you were back and this is the first time you've showed up for me.
I understand what you're saying - I wonder sometimes, too, why people are "talking" to me anymore - but I try to remind myself that stuff happens, just as it's been happening for me - where you end up not being able to leave comment or even if you could you're pressed for time and mean to come back later, then never get a chance to... Anyway - keep being your own wonderful self, and I'm so glad I can see your blog again. p.s. Good luck with the whole mother-of-a-17-yr-old-daughter thing - remember to not take her remarks too personally too (Ha! I know how hard that is - having been through 2 of them - but try! I'll be rooting for you! - there ought to be a medal awarded to mothers for surviving till their kids finally turn 21!)
Well, I will visit you always and if you don't see my comment I could be saving it for the next time because I know you will try to get back to me and I want you to enjoy this, I don't want you to focus on going back and visit my blog which it feels great when you do it but as I have said before I learn when I come here and I sure enjoy very much when you post stories of fairies and books. Do you reccomend any good devotional? or anything you wish to reccomend us? Thank you always.
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