ooh you are such a busy little bee

that is just what Joe said to me yesterday afternoon.....

yesterday went to Rozelle flea markets - me with my camera slung over my shoulder like a tourist - hoping to capture some photos like Corey & Tara do - but of course nothing but junk, real junk. Oh I guess not - there were some gorgeous vintage clothes & jewellry, vintage books galore & I did mangage to buy some old matchboxes & vintage cards that I thought I may be able to use.. and I bought an old beaded purse for the doll I am making for sewing group. I thought of taking some photos of the stall holders but their faces didn't look like they would wanting to be having that - they were hot & grumpy. so I smiled and went on my way.

then we trotted off to Frasers motorcycles to buy something for Joes bike...hmmm I got to thinking - strawberries are in season, how about a trip out to the strawberry farms? so off we go - through the city traffic and out to the country side.

along the road are many stalls that sell fruit and vegetables that are grown by the farmers. Little stalls made of corrugated iron and maybe a little shade cover. I jumped out and this poor elderly italian woman was sitting there in the oppressive heat selling strawberries by the bucket. Her hands were stained red - from picking or maybe it was from eating them... I felt so sorry for her in the heat. "How much?" - I asked .."$5 a bucket" she said - "I will take 4 buckets and a bucket of tomatoes - thankyou" and she smiled. back in the car - excited that I was going to be bottling that afternoon - not thinking that I was going out to a Christmas party at 6. oh no! that didn't cross my mind.....so we got home & I got all my paraphenalia out to begin bottling.....and proceeded to wash and hull the strawberries * eating as I went - thinking of the little italian lady- it was 4pm by this time. then I realized I hadn't prepared the syrup - so I quickly got that done and put it in the fridge to cool. packed the strawberrries in the jars, feeling very much like sweet Kansas Rose - taking a photo to show everyone, thinking myself very, very industrious and feeling very connected to my grandmothers befor me and another brain storm PORT ! - I will use port to preserve them in..what a delicious idea - so I went and got the port decanter and proceeded to half fill the bottles. topped them up with syrup and in they went.

put them on to preserve, raced in the shower, dressed and ready to go. Time to get the bottles out. done - all put out to cool over night. Showed Joe - who said - 'how much port did you use?" - I told him only what was in the decanter and he laughed . ' You know - that was more than a bottle of port?' ------ do you think they will be yummy? one botttle of port between 7 bottles of strawberries.

philosophies & the truth

I am what they call a 'sensitive' - I feel others emotions and the more time goes on, the more I can feel. I can be at a shopping plaza and walk past someone and feel their sadness - it takes all my effort to stop myself from running up to them and hugging them and asking them if I can help them with their problems.

I am also artistic - I have an artist temperament, much like a chef - I bang doors and slam saucepans, I yell, scream and shout. I am passionate. I am a worrier. I am me.

these past few weeks has been an emotional rollercoaster for me - and all I seem to be doing is explaining and apologizing - I don't want to have people thinking 'oh geez, what is she on about now?' I don't want to be that person who people whisper about when I walk past and avert their eyes incase I lose it. oh gawd, here comes that mad woman from Woodford.

I was in the shower this morning ( from whence all my good thoughts come!) and I thought I would put it down in words - for me - to get some kind of meaning to it.

In my wisdom, a few weeks ago I decided I didn't need HRT. I took myself off the pills BAD IDEA ! slowly I have become more and more unbalanced to the point where I called my Dr yesterday and asked her if she thought maybe I was either manic depressive or clinically depressed - I told her I had taken my self of the HRT & she said - stop being so hard on myself - that I had been through alot over the past few years and that I need to learn to relax (yeah right try to relax living with a 17 year old daughter whose life I am wrecking & that I 'just don't understand'). Needless to say I am back on the HRT but it will take time to kick in - beware & be afraid, be very afraid

also - my blogging angst - I can't help when I go through this - I have many, many lovely friends through blogging but if one goes missing then I am like Jesus with the sheep - going out to find that one who was lost.- Some don't want to visit and then I begin to wonder why? why don't they like me

~ this has happened over the past week & it hurt, yes it did. one person decided they didn't want to visit me - emails went back and forth -me trying to work out what I had done - of course I realize now I did nothing - it is their choice. I find it so hard though when i visit other blogs and see these people commenting - I get a little pang of hurt.

- but this morning I remembered the words of our Priest - Father Michael. There was a lady many years ago who I knew just didn't like me. I tried everything to get her to like me and in the end I asked father Michael why she didn't like me? what had I done?

he said ' Robyn - you are a person with a wonderful personality - some people are very reserved, you are zany and full of life and some people cannot take your honesty or your baring of your soul. It is nothing you have done and you must not change as you bring light to many others. Send this woman on with love and may her life be as happy as yours'

- of course many, many of you have advised me with the same thing - have I listened? no! but today - December 1 - I am going to turn a new leaf. I am giving thanks to each of you who DO accept me for who I am, who don't judge me and I am going to send those others on with love! it may not be easy and I may stumble but I will get up, brush myself off and journey on.

oh and yes - I am off to buy THE book - Four Agreements - yes, I am Sheila!! I cannot do this by myself any longer.

the last day of 'spring'

I say the last day of spring because by the calendar, tomorrow is the first day of summer here. Not that you would know it as we have had record high temperatures for weeks. Gawd, what is summer going to be like?

* * *

tomorrow - December the first - the day I start my Christmas decorating frenzy - the day I put my wreath on my door and each day as I do my house keeping, I decorate a room - {same as Daisy - we are twins}. I have been doing this for years, I find it easier to do it this way instead of one whole day. I have no idea how I will be decorating yet - I cannot find inspiration in this heat. Christmas in summer time is just not right! God, are you listening?

* * *

We buy our tree from a local bush fire brigade with the money going towards equipment to fight the bush fires. That comes around the 2nd weekend in December & with it comes the bickering - you know, like when you pull the lights out of the box, the lights that you know you took off the tree last year, so carefully wound them up & tied them so they didn't get all tangled but now they are like a big ball of steel wool - oh yes, tempers are frayed in this heat, let me tell you!

* * *

December 1st - the day I play my Bing Crosby Christmas CD and get all emotional - I have been known to cry amongst the clothes in Target when I hear White Christmas (the looks I get !) - the day that I start wanting to go and sit in a quiet church.

* * *

today I am off to Spotlight (again) to buy some white sequins and beads to finish off a doll for one of my secret faery partners..and who knows what else I will buy. I love spotlight - it is full of wonderful glittery bits and all kinds of art supplies.

let me see.. what else? I think I have only about 7 more birdies to finish, I have to get my stocking off to my partner, make another fruit cake (tomorrow) and oh gee, too many to list.

oh & tomorrow - I will have my Christmas decorations up here ! !

coughing, spluttering - trying to play catch up

I watered my garden this morning - we are allowed to water on Sundays, so before it got too hot I went out into the garden for an hour or so. Then it got hot - so I came back in and thought I would play catch up on the blog visiting - I tried to visit most - but this damn coughing gets to me and I have to take a break.

I am trying to get to visit - please bear with me - I haven't abandoned anyone. It seems that my throat is kind of affected and it will take a few days to heal itself, you see, the other night when the fire first started, I mistakenly left my window open and woke during the night with my throat parched from the acrid smoke from the bush fire and now all I do is cough. I am not sick nor do I have a cold. So I am treating myself with manuka honey and some tissue salts for inflammed throats. But it is time that will heal. cough, cough, splutter, cough - that is me at the moment - a lovely vision.

ps - I really love you all - you are such great people - I feel blessed that our paths have crossed in cyber space.

I could just about cry ~

I woke this morning at some ungodly hour of around 4.30am and could not get back to sleep. The wind was howling outside and the smoke was horrendous. Great. the wind has not done anything to help these bush fires and sirens have been going constantly all night. So, I start to stress, as I do. I feel like crying. I feel the oppression of the fires all around and yes, I feel depressed, like there is no hope. I can honestly say - I feel like it is the end of the world. dramatic - yes. But we are in the grips of severe drought here - and the water is being used up fighting these fires. I don't have a problem with that at all. I just wish it would rain. I wish God, whoever he/she is - would look down and see that his world is in trouble and do something. I wish the idiotic politicians would stop digging dirt up on each other - who cares if this one had an affair or that one takes drugs - not me. I care that we don't have a dam big enough to hold enough water for our city & surrounds. I care that when it does rain - our rain water is going down the drain and out to sea, instead of being sent to a dam. I care about the world. I stress about the world and I worry constantly about the world.

so today here, it is windy - if the fires aren't contained then they could very well threaten our home. My son has been called in to go and fight the fires tonight - a worry for us. But he is a good community member and I am proud of him for doing it. I am proud of our bush fire fighters and I pray that not one life will be lost this time. please God, let it rain.