WARNING - heavy going! True Balance - my sacral chakra

the next chakra - my sacral - of course this is for the benefit of those who are travelling the true balance journey with me - these are my thoughts & feelings over the last two weeks & I dare say, if I did this book again, my thoughts could be totally different. My childhood was fun, I do have lots of great memories but True Balance asks questions and I answer them, honestly. getting out the dross and healing myself as I go. I only write what I am feeling in that present moment.

"oh boy - like I said my sacral chakra is way out of balance ~ at this moment in time. How long has it been unbalanced? I wonder. The chakra connected to the reproductive organs. Of which I don't have. When I first had my hysterectomy - I felt like a hollowed out pumpkin. I felt like half a gal. silly now that I look back - but I felt my femininity was being stolen. I know now, that a womb does not make one a woman. It is our true essence, our very being that makes us a gal. That, and being connected to the moon makes us a woman. well that is my theory . . . today - who knows what I will believe tomorrow.
our emotional well being, our senses; pleasure and sexuality - all connected to this chakra. It is the domain of our inner child and as my inner child is in constant need of nurturing - it is no wonder why this chakra is spinning OUT OF CONTROL. I don't let my inner child laugh with abandon or scream with fury - control, Robyn, control. I know that I am on a journey of self discovery and I wonder. . . is this journey, actually my sacral chakra trying to bring itself back into balance? I constantly live in my head, I have disconnected from my sensual self. I suppress ME most of the time, trying to please others or I act as I think I 'should', worrying constantly about being accepted. I do ignore what my body is telling me, like I have lost touch with it, until oneday I wake up and think, gawd, my neck is sore and stiff. Time for a massage
And just this past few weeks with my doldrums, I am wondering if my sacral chakra is saying, enough is enough. You gotta laugh! have fun! PLAY!
Most of my life, the majority of it actually ~ I have looked upon life, as something to be ' gotten through', something to be endured. It was like I had a sense that there were many trials to be faced. When I am in an emotional storm, I go into 'fix it' mode - where I do absolutely anything to fix the problem so that I don't have to face the emotional pain of the situation. It is something I did as a child and it seems I have bought it into my adult life. I have always put others before myself, even as a child. I can remember hugging my mother telling her it was going to ok. I was 4. I believe, I need to be looking at my childhood stuff & deal with it once and for all. I want to do that - so out into the Universe goes a request to send the right person to me to help me.
This whole post of course makes me sound like someone who doesn't show feelings - not so. I cry and laugh but like I have said this past week - it is like I have lost my 'joie de vivre' .
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH - STOP! it is time for this gal to have fun, to play, to enjoy."

I have actually started to have a massage every two weeks so at least that is a start.

I just need to stop chattering when I am being massaged and allow myself to be pampered.

Gemstones: Carnelian, Coral, Gold Calcite, Moonstone, Orange Jasper
Herbs: clover, rosemary, violet, mint, cinnamon, daisy,
Essential Oils: Cardamon, Clary Sage, Neroli, Fennel, Sandalwood