WARNING - heavy going! True Balance - my sacral chakra

the next chakra - my sacral - of course this is for the benefit of those who are travelling the true balance journey with me - these are my thoughts & feelings over the last two weeks & I dare say, if I did this book again, my thoughts could be totally different. My childhood was fun, I do have lots of great memories but True Balance asks questions and I answer them, honestly. getting out the dross and healing myself as I go. I only write what I am feeling in that present moment.

"oh boy - like I said my sacral chakra is way out of balance ~ at this moment in time. How long has it been unbalanced? I wonder. The chakra connected to the reproductive organs. Of which I don't have. When I first had my hysterectomy - I felt like a hollowed out pumpkin. I felt like half a gal. silly now that I look back - but I felt my femininity was being stolen. I know now, that a womb does not make one a woman. It is our true essence, our very being that makes us a gal. That, and being connected to the moon makes us a woman. well that is my theory . . . today - who knows what I will believe tomorrow.
our emotional well being, our senses; pleasure and sexuality - all connected to this chakra. It is the domain of our inner child and as my inner child is in constant need of nurturing - it is no wonder why this chakra is spinning OUT OF CONTROL. I don't let my inner child laugh with abandon or scream with fury - control, Robyn, control. I know that I am on a journey of self discovery and I wonder. . . is this journey, actually my sacral chakra trying to bring itself back into balance? I constantly live in my head, I have disconnected from my sensual self. I suppress ME most of the time, trying to please others or I act as I think I 'should', worrying constantly about being accepted. I do ignore what my body is telling me, like I have lost touch with it, until oneday I wake up and think, gawd, my neck is sore and stiff. Time for a massage
And just this past few weeks with my doldrums, I am wondering if my sacral chakra is saying, enough is enough. You gotta laugh! have fun! PLAY!
Most of my life, the majority of it actually ~ I have looked upon life, as something to be ' gotten through', something to be endured. It was like I had a sense that there were many trials to be faced. When I am in an emotional storm, I go into 'fix it' mode - where I do absolutely anything to fix the problem so that I don't have to face the emotional pain of the situation. It is something I did as a child and it seems I have bought it into my adult life. I have always put others before myself, even as a child. I can remember hugging my mother telling her it was going to ok. I was 4. I believe, I need to be looking at my childhood stuff & deal with it once and for all. I want to do that - so out into the Universe goes a request to send the right person to me to help me.
This whole post of course makes me sound like someone who doesn't show feelings - not so. I cry and laugh but like I have said this past week - it is like I have lost my 'joie de vivre' .
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH - STOP! it is time for this gal to have fun, to play, to enjoy."

I have actually started to have a massage every two weeks so at least that is a start.

I just need to stop chattering when I am being massaged and allow myself to be pampered.

Gemstones: Carnelian, Coral, Gold Calcite, Moonstone, Orange Jasper
Herbs: clover, rosemary, violet, mint, cinnamon, daisy,
Essential Oils: Cardamon, Clary Sage, Neroli, Fennel, Sandalwood

the stuff from True Balance

my cancer was in my sacral area - in my reproductive organs. I had pelvic radiation ~ something I believe is from the dark ages and is barbaric & now I have side effects. The emotional issues from this are coming up now & I am having a dreadfully hard time dealing with them. do I continue with the book, knowing that it is helping ? Or do I stop and push those emotions deeper down, ignoring them? I honestly don't know. All I know is I feel like a bitter old woman right now ~ blaming life for my problems AND that is definately not me, not who I am. I wasn't going to post all of this but it helps to get it out & I thought maybe, just maybe there is someone out there who has had pelvic radiation who can relate to how I am feeling. I am embarrassed by my side effects, they are not something that I want to put out into blog world. There are no support groups here either.

and this dear friends is really why I haven't been blogging - I feel like I have lost my 'joie de vivre'

I feel like I am constantly apologizing for not visiting your blogs, I feel like it is a one way friendship at the moment. I am deeply sorry xox

TRUE BALANCE ~ warning! ~ my base chakra stuff

oh lord! my base chakra is definately unbalanced or not spinning as it should. And it is no wonder that it is totally out of whack, - I do alot of work on my chakras - but I didn't realize that my childhood stuff was connected to this chakra. I need to work on that.
I could go into major detail here, but I won't. It is too hard for me. And like I said, I don't want my blog to become a Mummy dearest because in the main, my childhood was wonderful. We had great family picnics & all the other normal family stuff.

and I wouldn't change a thing, as it has all made me who I am today.
But let's just say - that as a little girl, I had a great fear of being alone, being abandoned. My family foundation wasn't strong. Don't get me wrong - as I said, my childhood was mostly wonderful and so were my parents - they did the best they knew how. But they use to leave us alone, often. at night. I can remember from about age 10 - I would sit out on the front step and cry til they came home. To this day, I do not know what I was afraid of - but as soon as it got dark - I would have to go outside. Past life stuff? who knows.
My dad also drank alot and in my early childhood he was very violent - not towards us kids, but to mum. In his later life he became a tea-totaller and was so sad for what he put us through when we were young.
I also found out that the base chakra governs the immune system and that has made me wonder if my immune system was depleted due to the chakra being unbalanced - my cancer was an immune deficient cancer. If you worry alot about life - your base chakra becomes unbalanced. And I wonder if my strong desire to find 'my roots' of my ancestors is because my base chakra is unbalanced. Lots of thoughts - I write all in my journal, kind of purging my soul.
However blogging has helped me to become alot more grounded & balanced and I think I am finally getting the base chakra to how it is meant to be.
Sometimes if I feel unbalanced - then I go outside and plunge my hands into the dirt or othertimes I just carry a grounding stone around with me. Even wearing a pair of red undies can help! And I am going to start having a pedicure and have my toe nails painted red!
crystals, herbs and essential oils that correspond to the base chakra can help to balance as well :
Gemstones: Agate, Bloodstone, Hematite, Red Coral, Red Garnet, Ruby, Black Obsidian, Black Tourmaline and Black Tourmaline in Clear Quartz
Herbs: Cedar, Clove, Pepper, Vetiver
Essential Oils: Myrrh, Patchouli, Rosewood, Thyme, Vetiver