fizzled out
I feel like all my oomph has gone. Not sure where, but to be truthful - my mum tires me out. I love her, of course I do! but she drains me, she brings out the worst in me and I become someone I don't like very much. today, I have felt very washed out and have been trying to re-coup. I love listening to my mum and hearing of her childhood and I love pampering her and making her feel special. But sometimes she berates me, makes me feel like I am not good enough and nothing I do is right. It is like I am a child again. Then she goes home and I feel guilty. I know it is a mother and daughter thing but knowing that, does not make it any easier. And please God, let me be different when I get older.
posted by Miss Robyn | 10:45 pm
14 Comments:
Oh Robyn, I know just what you mean .
I love my mom too but like yours, she drains everyting out of me if I've even spent a day with her! Hugs xox
Hi Miss*R
I understand your mixed feeling. The mother-daughter combo is both impenetrable and explosive. It's so great that you can articulate the two strands in your soul.
I loved my mom so so so so much, and at the same time, I generally gave her the ability to destroy me with a single comment.
At the end of her life on earth, she had a brain tumor and couldn't reason or remember. One day when I was lifting her tiny body out of the bathtub, I realized that she looked like a baby. I was filled with deep, pure, robust love. Nothing she did or said could shake that. And that's how it was for the final weeks.
She is lucky to have such beautiful fairy daughter.
Do you sometimes wonder if they forget we are mothers, grandmothers even.. ourselves now. That we are no longer children who need to be nudged, nagged or prodded to do what's good for us..? My Mum is gone now, but when I look back I'd like to think that when we had our 'moments', it was because to her I was still a child.Never doubt that your Mum loves you, and that is why she gives you such a hard time..!
you know I can so relate! the mother/daughter relationship is fraught with complexity!
XOXO
I have started and deleted, started and deleted...so I'm just going to send you another {{{{{Robyn}}}}} hug. My words all seem silly.
It seems to be the way generally with mothers and daughters....why?
Mine wasn't like that, she never berated me, she always supported me, but she didn't last long in this world.
Maybe that's the point. You have to be a little difficult to live to an old age?
Hugs, xoxo
I was just shedding tears this morning on the phone with Feller...missing my Mom and regretting not going home for Christmas 2 years ago right before she died in February....a lost chance, never to be regained. Regret, like a cancer, can gnaw at your insides. I am trying to let it go....
So, even though she could drive me wild at times when she was well, I would live it all over in a heart beat for just one more day....one more song sung to her, one more chance to hear her laugh...she had a great twinkly laugh.
{{Hugs}} and hang in there.
Know the feeling too although mine isn`t quite as critical as she used to be. I try very hard to make sure I don`t do that to my own daughter and luckily usually succeed except maybe with an opinion of the odd boyfriend.
tea
xo
LOl Tea & Margaritas...I tried that about the odd boyfriend. but it only made my daughter like him more! LOL I give up!
Sometimes Robyn I find myself telling my daughters things I would have said if they were 12, and I try so hard not to. But its difficult to NOT be a mother. Be patient with her. Just love her for who/what she is...your mom. :)
I wish I had an answer on how to make some moms more pleasant to be with. Most times I can't even spend a minute on the phone without my mom bringing comparison charts into the conversation and driving me insane. It’s the way she is and will never ever change. I love her just the same only I wish I would have more patience in tolerating her negative ranting so I could selfishly spend more time with her.
Annabelle
I guess no matter how old we get our Moms can make us feel like children.
I must be odd one out here, I had a wonderful relationship with my mum which I've blogged about a while ago - I think it probably depends on individual personalities, mum and I just jelled - same sense of humour, same sort of interests etc. I think Judie is right that once a mum,always a mum - you are just concerned about your children even though you know quite well they are grown up!
I'll sound like I'm just echoing everyone else's comments - but there is so much truth to all of them and truth in your post...
The mother/daughter relationship has got to be one of the MOST complicated pairs on the planet!!! My mother's been gone for 8 years and I miss her so very, very much and regret that last shopping trip she wanted to go on with me and that I didn't want her to go because she was driving me a little nuts that day - and if I could have her back for a day I would jump at the chance--then probably get irritated by something she said even then -- isn't that just sad?? What is it with us! I would still jump at the chance to have a few extra moments with her. I know she tried so hard not to irritate us - just as I try not to irritate my girls, and yet, I can tell I still do sometimes. I'll say something that I'd just say to anyone else in conversation that wouldn't have all this "meaningfulness" and they take it to heart, seeing criticism or some other ulterior meaning, that I really don't intend. I know they're doing what I used to do with my mom "What did she mean by that?" when really I'm just making conversation (at least I think I am!) I forget how powerful "words from Mom" can be.
Sending you (((hugs))) and best wishes for you & your mom (and I don't mean anything else by that, LOL :)
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