teenage daughters
I am going to be truthful here. I love both my daughters - I love my son too of course. But sometimes I don't like my youngest girl who is 17. I didn't much like her sister when she was 17 either. love them but don't like them much at all at 17. I would die for them but I just can't understand how one look or a word can spiral me down into sadness. I know they don't mean it but it sure hurts and I cannot help wishing that oneday when they become mothers that they will experience the same heartache that I am right now so that they will know how I felt. I know that I did the same to my mum when I was 16 - falling pregnant just about broke her heart, I am sure. But like mothers do, she stuck by me and loved me the whole while.
Sophie is 17 now and is a good girl. But she is so trying lately with her moods, her air of 'gawd, mum, why do you go on so much' and she thinks that the only purpose I am here is to spoil her life. Louisa is 26 next week and she is my friend, it took many years of heartache, fights and tears to get here but we did. My mum is my friend too and I hold onto that - when Sophie gets through this, we will be friends too. I can only hope.
oh and I know that this afternoon, when she comes home - she will prance inside and say hi as if nothing has happened. and I will forgive her for being a wicked witch this morning.
posted by Miss Robyn | 8:07 am
21 Comments:
Oh Robyn, I feel for you. All 3 of my daughters were told that I love them but at the moment didn't like them at all! I also told each of them that you pay for your raising and when they are mom's these things will come back to bite them in the "butt". Each girl has told me they are sorry for their teen year attitudes and are dealing with being on the mommy end now. I love being told they didn't appreciate me enough but I love even more seeing their children giving the girls a few gray hairs!! LOL
Been there, done that... from both sides, first my mother and me, and then my daughter and me. I came to realize the more we are like our mums/daughters the harder it is. We all ended up being very close and good friends. I have no doubt that you will too. When my daughter was making me crazy, my mother would delight in telling me that 'you don't get tame rabbits out of wild ones', and she should know..!
I sadly don't have children to draw experience from but I do recall that age...there is quote by I believe Mark Twain that said:
"When I was 17 my parents were the stupidest people in the world. By the time I reached 21 I couldn't believe how smart they got in 4 short years."
That may not be the EXACT wording, but I am sure you get the meaning.
this too shall pass.
XOXO
Lisa
My mom would always tell me..you wait until you have your own kids and then come back to me and tell me it was easy to raise them. Well, now I realize what she went through with all 5 of her kids and having had only 2 myself, I don't know how she did it with 5!! They seem to get to a certain age where they try to push you every day, I guess seeing how far they can push you! I know it's heartbreaking right now, dear Robyn, but as you know, it will pass. Sometimes a mother's job can be a thankless job. Hugs xox
Hang in there. I know it's tough. Boys have their moods too! Grrrr. You just want to smack them into being sensible!
I think we've all been there! I know I have. Sooner or later kids realize that they can't act that way out in the real world. And mine have both told me, now that they have kids, that they understand what they put me through!!
Whew,,,now this is a topic that I definetly can relate too. My daughter is now 19,,but she has been 19 since she was around 10. Lord knows I have felt the same way about her. But now,,she is the one that I seem to turn too,,it use to be her big brother that was a gem,,he's 21,,but like most men,,he's reversing back,,lol. My Mum always told me that "when they are little they step on your toes,,when they are older they step on your heart." Now I definetly can relate!!
{{{{{hugs}}}}} I have boys. lol
As a single mum of a teenage boy & soon to be teenage girl, I hold my breathe. My son is 14 1/2 and is becoming a pain just about now. My daughter has just turned 12 so I have a years grace, I think.
I have often used those words you do. We always "love" them but sometimes we don't like them.
At least you can see there is a light at the end of the tunnel where "hopefully" she apologises for her teen years.
I wish us all luck and most of all our children. May they make it past their teenage years "QUICKLY"....
l have a daughter the same age and know that feeling well. :) Nice blog site.
Ah, yes it's such a relief once they're off to college and out of that perpetual moodiness. My daughter went through a bit of a strop at 15; thankfully, never any real problems since. Just remind yourself not to take it personally - it's hormones and the angst of growing up - very little to do with you and what you do or don't do. Sending you a big hug. xo
Aloha Robyn..
((hugs)). I think we all know to well that teens love to *push* our buttons, they can be hormonal little b*tches one moment and precious children the next.
(your revenge comes with metapause..lol)
My daughter was lucky to make it to 18!! There are days when I could have just throttled the attitude right out of her, or the smirks of *yeah, whatever* off her face..I wish using Duct tape on their mouths was legal..lol..
But then after each blow up, she'd prance in the next day like nothing had happened, hug me and go off on her way.
I called my mum about it..
She reminded me that I was a holy terror growing up (I dont remember ANY of that..lol)
So long as you remember Teens know everything, put her in charge and take the afternoon off!! Let's go shopping girl!
Peace, Kai.
I got Firefox browser this morning and now I can see your whole blog layout. It's so beautiful!! I love your background.
I am scare sometimes when I start thinking of my daughter reaching that age. Hoping everything turns well soon.
I've been pretty lucky so far....I've made it thru pretty much unscathed with my oldest daughter.....my youngest just turned 16 and so far so good....but like they say "what a difference a year makes"...so we'll see what I have to say next year..LOL
the hard thing for me was when my oldest son moved out a few years ago.( he's back at home now ..woo hoo) he just seemed to disappear from our lives and that was hurtful..it wasn't anything intentional, I dont' think..just part of growing up and moving on...and being too wrapped up in his own life to make much time for mine anymore..but it hurt....when i was having these babies...i never really thought ahead to the fact that they'd 'grow up" and one day want to be 'on their own"..LOL
I was pretty awful when I was 17, but I didn't have a mum to take it out on - she died when I was 12, and I had already started being a terrible teen. No chance to say sorry for being so horrid. A hard and early lesson. I think most teenagers go through that obnoxious phase, like caterpillars turning into butterflies, but your daughters are lucky to have such a loving, understanding mum. (They will eventually get to realise).
There were days I hated my daughter. I know she hated me......but we also loved each other fiercely!
What helped me get through the days when I just wanted to choke the holy crap out of her was to remind myself that her outrageous moods were actually a "compliment" to our relationship. You see, we moms are the "safe" place to act out, to fall upon, to release the angst......because we love them in spite of themselves and do not judge them or spread nasty rumors or chuckle about them behind their back. I always repeated the mantra, "I love her enough to let her hate me". It got me through the worst of it since I was a single mom and was going it alone for the most part. She is now 21 and we still have a go at it when she starts acting all self righteous and spoilt. I have learned to just tell her straight out that she is being bitchy and I do not like it. I also remind her to respect me since that is how she will earn it herself.
Good luck....remind yourself how much you are going to miss that last little bird when your nest is empty. It helps smooth the rough spots a titch.
Like most of you, I remember being in my teens and sometimes being unforgivably rude and nasty to Mum, and hating myself for it at the same time. She died just before I turned 21, and fortunately I'd grown up enough by then to undo some of the damage. No kids of my own thank goodness - the girls next door would put anyone off having children. The two older girls gave all the neighbours absolute hell for about 5 years with their parties, loud music and foul mouths, but they've grown up and quietened down. Now we just have the youngest one to contend with, and at 15, looks like we're in for another few years of misery....
Yes, I went through that with my daughter who is now 26. From being about 11 she thought she was 21 and in her opinion I knew nothing about anything. I definitely know the love but not like feeling. When she was 23 something happened which has made me laugh ever since when I think of it. She came in one evening after being out with her friends in the local pub and said with a look of total horror on her face " I was talking to the girls about something and I suddenly realised that I SOUNDED JUST LIKE YOU!!"
And it's true, the older she gets the more like me she gets. Grit your teeth and hang in there - time solves most problems.
As the mother of 2 girls I know what you are saying...my oldest daughter and I ( she will be 24 the 5th of Oct.) had a wonderful chat on the phone this week and she said she looked up to me and apologized for being the way she was in her "teen years"...I almost fell off my chair and picked my chin up off the floor! It will get better, I promise!
Dear Robyn,
This evening I didn't feel like doing too much blogging but when I read your post on your teenage daughter I got a laugh. I needed that laugh because I'm going thru this with my seventeen year old son right this very moment. I adore him very much but lately he has been a total pain to communicate with. He is a total obnoxious brat at the time being and I can't wait to change a few things this weekend when his father gets home. Maybe he'll change his ways once I start taking away the privileges that he is enjoying like having his mom drive him and his best friend two hours to a hockey game during a school night or driving again four hours to the cinema just to name a smigen of what his father, his sister and I do for him. It’s reassuring to me when I see from the posts of other moms that it seems to be a part of the teen years. I guess I was that way too but I conveniently have forgotten. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this problem but these women have helped us I think to see that it is just a phase that they are going thru; I hope!
p.s.Oceandreamer has it right;"When I was 17 my parents were the stupidest people in the world. By the time I reached 21 I couldn't believe how smart they got in 4 short years."
Annabelle
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